OK, so let's pause for a moment.
What was going on there?
Part of it was truly ruinous empathy.
I really did like Alex,
and I really did not want
to hurt his feelings.
But if I'm honest with myself,
there was something more insidious
going on as well,
because Alex was popular
and Alex was sensitive,
and there was part of me that was afraid
that if I told Alex in no uncertain terms
that his work wasn't nearly good enough,
he would get upset,
he might even start to cry.
And then everyone would think
I was a big you-know-what.
And so the part of me that was worried
about my reputation as a leader,
that was the
manipulative insincerity part.
The part of me that was worried
about Alex's feelings,
that was the ruinous empathy part.
So this kind of toxic mixture
goes on for about ten months,
and eventually the inevitable happens.
And I realize that if I don't fire Alex,
I'm going to lose all my best performers,
because not only
have I been unfair to Alex
not to tell him
so that he could fix things,
I've been unfair to the whole team.
Their deliverables were late
because his deliverables were late.
They couldn’t spend as much time
on their work as they needed to
because they were constantly
having to redo his work.
And the people who were the best
performers on my team,
they were just going to quit.
They wanted to be able to work at a place
where they could do their best work.
And so I sat down
to have a conversation with Alex
that I should have started,
frankly, 10 months previously.
And when I finished explaining
to him where things stood,
he kind of pushed his chair
back from the table,
he looked me right in the eye
and he said, "Why didn't you tell me?"
And as that question was going around
in my head with no good answer,
he looked at me again and he said,
"Why didn't anyone tell me?
I thought you all cared about me."
And now I realized
that by not telling Alex,
thinking I was being so nice
sparing his feelings,
he's now getting fired as a result of it.
Not so nice after all.
It was a terrible moment in my career,
but it was too late to save Alex.
Even Alex at this point
agreed he should go
because his reputation
on the team was just shot.
All I could do in that moment
was make myself a very solemn promise
that I would never
make that mistake again,
and that I would do everything in my power
to help other people
avoid making that mistake.
And that is why I'm here,
talking to you all today.
